#194: Old Ted's 247th Birthday

It’s Artie’s birthday, so he made himself a birthday card for #194. Then the Committee took a red pen it. The 2nd one is Artie’s original submission, another from the Vancouver Aquarium turtle sketches, combined with Artie’s favorite subject - age-related medical issues. The long caption outperformed the short one in the focus groups by 5 points, but Slothrop used a veto because he said it’s unlicensable and if you want the Hallmarks of the world to put your panels on their greeting cards, you’ve got to keep it short. I like the long version myself, but Slothrop is probably right. Marv would’ve approved the long version, and it wouldn’t have gotten a single licensing offer. But he & Artie would’ve sat around the office all day giggling about it. Artie doesn’t get hung up over “artistic integrity” anymore, except occassionally. So he let it go, even though it’s his birthday. I guess he figures he’s always got “The Rejection Collection” opportunity with Inky to put all the rejected panels into a book someday. For now, he’s obviously resigned himself to corporate hack status for the salary & benefits, but everyone once in a while he’s still capable of playing the diva if he has to. Maybe he’s saving it up for something big. Or maybe he’s just tired. The Committee comes in expecting some of this from the “talent” so they’re probably just grateful they don’t get more of it. Anyway, Syd’s taking him to Dick’s Drive In for burgers tonight, which is what they do every year. Happy Birthday, my friend:) -Ed.

Here’s the long version, if you can’t read it: 

“Ted felt pretty good, all things considered: macular degeneration, a slow-spreading crack in his shell, and arthritis in all four flippers. He’d lost his sense of smell entirely and the barnacle in his old hook-and-release wound wasn’t getting any smaller. He wouldn’t be able to eat the cake, but he still had enough breath in his lungs to blow out a few candles, and for that he was thankful. And more than that, he was content. Even if he couldn’t quite get around anymore like he did in his two-hundred and thirties.”